


Backspace

by ttamarrindo



Series: Love Over The Phone Line [2]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Famous!Brian, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Idol!Brian, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Texting, also Junhyuk cause I love him and I'm a very bitter person, gross pet names, like they really love each other but they also suck at making things work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 22:43:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11450583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttamarrindo/pseuds/ttamarrindo
Summary: It’s hard, being apart for so long. The distance digs a gap in their relationship and sometimes it just seems too wide to overcome, like Brian would fall right down into it if he ever tried jumping over, but they’re trying to make things work. And itisworking. Mostly. At least when Brian doesn’t fuck up. Like now.(Or, Brian has been trying to come home for a long time now. Jae just keeps waiting.)Sequel toScreen Talk





	Backspace

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the love you guys have shown Screen Talk. It was my first fic in the fandom and I was completely blown away by such a huge response. It has a special place in my heart, as do all of you who have read it.
> 
> So here, have the sequel. I just hope it won't disappoint. 
> 
> (All Twitter names and accounts are made up.)

The crowd is still screaming by the time Brian makes his way out of the stage. 

He makes his way to the end of the concert hall, waves one last goodbye to the fans, and then stumbles down the stairs leading backstage. Someone hands him a towel, pats him on the back in congratulations after another show well done. Brian makes an effort to give a small nod in thanks, too tired to muster up a real smile. He pats his forehead clean of sweat, swipes his bangs away from where they’re plastered uncomfortably against his skin, and tries hard not to collapse against the wall in exhaustion.

Dizzy, mind still clouded from the thick rush of adrenaline performing always leaves him with, he manages to drag himself to the band’s private room. He weaves his way through the staff that’s still lingering around, half walking, half shuffling down the crowded hallways. 

Inside, he finds Wonpil already sprawled out on the couch, looking about as exhausted as Brian himself feels. The younger boy seems dead to world, teetering on the verge of sleep, but the pitiful sight is still not enough to stop Brian from collapsing next to him. 

Wonpil groans when Brian lets his weight fall against him, digs his elbow back into Brian’s ribs and struggles weakly in an attempt to break free.

“Ugh, hyung,” he grunts, throwing him a sleepy glare over one shoulder. “You’re gross and sweaty. Get off.”

“Don’t wanna,” Brian mumbles back, wriggling until Wonpil relents and sits up to make space for him.

“Get a room you two,” comes Sungjin’s voice, exasperated but still somewhat amused. Brian blinks blearily back at him. Sungjin’s standing by the threshold, guitar slung over one shoulder and a small, pleased smile that only comes from having put on a good show for their fans playing faintly on his lips.

“Careful there, Yonghyun,” adds Junhyuk from the other side. The older boy is leaning against the bathroom door, fresh-faced and grin as bright as ever despite having just performed for two hours straight. “Your boyfriend might get jealous,” he teases. 

Brian flushes red, glares at Wonpil when he murmurs a petty _serves you right_ back at him. From the other side of the room, Dowoon chuckles. Brian glares at him too, the traitor, but all the younger does is go back to packing his drum kit up, still snickering quietly under his breath.

“Stop,” Brian pleads, throws his head back in defeat when Wonpil’s laughter joins Dowoon’s. “I shouldn't have told you guys about him.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” Junhyuk teases, relentless in the face of Brian’s blatant chagrin. “You _didn’t_ tell us about him. We found out accidently when we caught you two skyping. Also -” the pianist throws a fresh towel at his face, “please wipe your face. Wonpil’s right, you’re gross.”

“I hate you all,” Brian grunts, but he can’t deny the warmth that settles in his chest when Sungjin ruffles his hair fondly as he passes him by on his way to the bathroom.

It’s certainly nice, he thinks as he pushes Wonpil’s feet away from his lap, getting to be this open with his bandmates, with his friends.

Brian had been worried at first, didn’t know how his members would react when (if) he told them about Jae, his quite obviously very _male_ boyfriend. It ate at him for months, that burden. He became twitchy, restless under the weight of the secret, constantly looking over his shoulder whenever he had Jae on the phone. Of course, everyone had suspected something was going on between the two of them ever since Jae had showed up at their concert, but they hadn't known for certain - _couldn't_ , not when Brian made sure to dodge every single question about the older boy.

At least that is, until Wonpil barged in on his room one night and caught him red handed making hearts at his laptop’s camera, where Jae’s deer caught in the headlights expression lay frozen on the screen. 

Wonpil had gone ballistic, dragging Brian out to their shared living room by the scruff on his neck and forcing him to explain. Brian had been about to bolt when he realized that Wonpil’s insistence didn't come from any sort of rejection or disgust. No, Wonpil had been _happy_ , delighted to find out that Jae and Brian had finally gotten around to making their relationship official. 

Of course, Wonpil finding about them meant that the _whole band_ found out, because a happy Wonpil is a Wonpil on a rampage, and with absolutely no filter whatsoever.

They all had been a bit hurt when they found out, more so about the fact that Brian had felt the need to keep his relationship a secret for something close to three months than about the fact that he prefered guys instead of girls. But they had understood too, why he hadn’t mentioned it. 

It’s not easy for an idol to have a relationship after all. The critics, the public, even most of the fans; they’re all watching, constantly searching for any piece of information they can latch onto and tear apart until they get to their very core. 

So no, Brian hadn't told them, because if what’s considered to be a normal relationship is already hard, then what he has with Jae had seemed like an impossibility.

“Hey, hyung.” 

Brian looks up, blinks lazily as he forces himself to focus. Dowoon is standing over him - by sheer willpower it looks like, if the way his knees keep on wobbling is any indication. The younger hands him his phone, eyes crinkling tiredly at the corners when he says, “it’s been blowing up like crazy.”

“Thanks, Dowoonie.” Brian smiles at him, barely waits for the younger to shuffle away to unlock his phone.

Unsurprisingly, he has a bunch of new messages from Jae. They seem to get more and more excited as they come, if the sudden influx of all-caps and keyboard smashes tells him anything. Which it does, mind you. They have been texting long enough for Brian to know every one of Jae’s quirks. 

That’s why, he thinks, the lack of emojis is slightly worrying. 

〔jaebae〕  
hey  
how did the show go?  
also the new song sounds incredible btw  
as always  
you worried for nothing idiot

Brian grins, can’t really help it. He had been struggling with the lyrics for their new comeback more than he would have liked, writing and editing and picking at every word until his frustration got too heavy to bare. Jae had been a constant through those hellish weeks, listening to him rant and giving him advice on wording whenever Brian got stuck, reminding him to sleep, eat, take a shower. Brian honestly couldn’t have been more grateful for him than he was then.

Smiling at the thought, Brian scrolls through the rest of the thread. The messages continue on along that line for a few more texts, and abundance of congratulations and kissy faces that Jae swears are for ironic purposes only - a lie, of course, and something that always gets Brian to grin. But then there’s a sudden pause, a few minutes where Jae had stopped texting all together, and then- 

Fuck, Brian thinks, he should have seen this coming. 

〔jaebae〕  
BIRAN  
YUO TAITOR  
im so mad at you ic ant even type rn

why didnt you tell me you dyed ur fuckign hair

Brian winces. Okay, this was definitely on him. He _had_ meant to tell Jae about the change in hairstyle, he really had, but with all the preparations for the world tour and then the non-stop performances, it had kind of slipped out of his mind. 

Usually, Jae would have already known about it. They try to skype at least once a week, send a picture if they can’t find the time for it, but Brian has found out that it’s hard to do that while on tour. 

This is the first time in a _week_ that Brian has caught Jae awake enough to chat with him. The older would normally try to fight off sleep to be able to exchange a few texts, but they’re on completely opposite time zones right now, with Jae back home in Korea and Brian somewhere in midwest USA. And Jae has his own studies to worry about too, so he can't afford to lose that much sleep, not if he actually wants to graduate this year. Which he does, even if he complains endlessly about the horrors of adulthood.

It’s hard, being apart for so long. The distance digs a gap in their relationship and sometimes it just seems too wide to overcome, like Brian would fall right down into it if he ever tried jumping over, but they’re trying to make things work. And it _is_ working. Mostly. At least when Brian doesn’t fuck up. Like now.

〔bkang〕  
I’m sorry  
I forgot

〔jaebae〕  
you forgot  
you asshole i had to find out from a goddamn fansite

〔bkang〕  
I’m really sorry  
wait  
hyung you check my fansites?  
that’s so cute :)

〔jaebae〕  
SHUT UP  
forget i said that

Somehow, Brian finds enough energy to laugh. Not that it’s that surprising, honestly. A flustered Jae wakes him up better than any cup of coffee. Teasing Jae even more so, especially when the older boy just makes it so easy.

〔jaebae〕  
you know what no  
dont forget i said that  
cause now apparently fansites are the only way to get updates on you

〔bkang〕  
I’m really sorry babe  
I’ll make it up to you  
I promise

Brian watches those three grey dots appear and disappear for a few moments, hesitant as Jae figures out what to type.

〔jaebae〕  
keep talking  
im listening

Brian grins. Honestly, Jae is just too easy sometimes. The older all but melts when he calls him by any sort of pet name, which is why Brian doesn’t do it often. _babe_ and _sweetheart_ are sure ways to calm Jae down. He doesn't want him becoming used to them, lest they lose their charm. That and well, Brian can admit that seeing Jae blush and cough to hide his pleased smiles may play a part in that decision too.

〔bkang〕  
I’ll buy you those sweets you like so much

〔jaebae〕  
hmm  
get me the sour kind and youre forgiven

〔bkang〕  
deal :)  
I’m really sorry

〔jaebae〕  
yeah yeah its fine  
im gonna miss blond brian tho  
the fans are already mourning the loss i can tell

〔bkang〕  
stop omg  
you can’t know that

〔jaebae〕  
oh but i do  
trust me i know this kinda stuff  
i used to run a fansite after all

〔bkang〕  
wat

〔jaebae〕  
wat

〔bkang〕  
this is gold omfg  
I think I'm going to choke  
hyung why didnt I know about this? 

〔jaebae〕  
gotta go  
late for class

〔bkang〕  
its 4am  
you dont have class  
hyung  
jae  
baby  
come back

Brian waits a few minutes for a response but Jae doesn’t return. Not that Brian can begrudge him, honestly. He knows that the other probably stayed up all night fighting off sleep only so he could congratulate him after the show. Not to mention that he must be embarrassed as hell right now. Brian can just picture Jae cursing himself and stomping his feet like the big child that he is after this slip up almost perfectly. 

The thought of it makes warmth bloom across Brian’s chest, unbidden but so, so familiar. Grinning, he locks his phone, slips it into his back pocket, and then grabs his bass from where it lays on its case.

“C’mon,” Sungjin calls out from where he’s manhandling a sleepy Dowoon out of the door. “The van is already here.”

“Tell me we’re heading straight to the hotel,” pleads Wonpil, though it comes out muffled with the way he has his face pressed against the back of Junhyuk’s neck, who’s struggling under the weight of him. “I’m too tired for food-stops.”

“We are,” ansers Junhyuk, yawning wide. “I don’t care if Younghyun wants burgers or something. I need a bed.” 

Brian doesn’t comment. A bed sounds just about perfect right now, even if his stomach rumbles in hunger. He doesn’t think he could muster up enough energy to do so much as chew right now.

“Everything alright?” asks Sungjin as Brian trudges his way through the door. Dowoon is already snoring away, half-slumped over Sungjin’s shoulder and most probably drooling all over their leader's shirt. Brian takes the boy’s other arm and slings it across his own back, helping Sungjin carry him out.

“Yeah,” he answers. He misses Jae - _god_ he misses him so much it hurts, but he knows it’s only a matter of time before he can be with him again. Two weeks more and then Brian can have him back in his arms. 

It’s just matter of time. Brian can take comfort in that. 

“Yeah,” he says again, smiling soft and easy, already imagining the welcoming warmth of Jae’s cramped dorm room and the comforting weight of his palm against his. “Everything’s fine.”

*

Everything is definitely _not fine_.

Brian curses as he slams the door to his hotel room open, making it rattle and groan. He hurries his way over to where his bag is stuffed into a corner of the room and all but tears it open. He ruffles around for his laptop, not caring that he’s getting clothes thrown all over the floor in his manic haste.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he registers Wonpil quietly opening the door. The younger takes one look at him, mumbles something about rooming with Sungjin for the night, and promptly walks back out.

Brian honestly can’t find it himself to care that he just kicked his roommate of out of his own room. All he can think about is _Jae_. Him, and how Brian could possibly get the older boy to forgive him this time. 

He opens his laptop and logs into skype as quickly as he can, praying to every god he doesn't believe in for Jae to still be awake. He watches the screen load and waits - hopes - for his call to go through. Brian stares at it for what feels like hours, digging his nails into his palms until they form red crescents, trying to breath around the knot of guilt threatening to choke him. 

Just when Brian is about to cry out in frustration and chuck his laptop away a quiet _whoosh_ cuts through the oppressing silence, making Brian breathe out in sheer relief as soon as he sees Jae’s tired face sharpen into focus.

“Hyung,” Brian hurries to say before Jae can so much as open his mouth to greet him. “Hyung, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot about the interview today and when I realised the time it was already too late to call you and I’m _so sorry_ , I-”

“Hey, breath. Brian, baby. Breath.”

Brian clicks his mouth shut at that, takes a deep breath through his nose and stares at Jae’s tired smile until he feels his heart settle again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles again, trying to convey just how shitty he feels for messing up. Again. God, he’s such a fucking _idiot_. This is the third time he’s missed a skype call with Jae, the third time he has left Jae hanging, waiting for hours on end only for Brian to forget all about him. 

It’s not like he’s doing in purpose, though he’s pretty sure Jae must think he is by now, but the tour is really taking a toll on him, filling his day up to the brim with interviews and photoshoots and concerts so all Brian can do at the end of the day is crash. And it’s not fair, he knows that, because Jae is busy too, in the middle of finals, but the older boy still finds the time to send him a text now and then, keep him updated and just overall so goddamn _happy_. 

Brian though, he keeps messing up, again and again.

“Brian, it’s fine,” Jae says. He tries for a smile but a yawn cuts him off in the middle so that it all comes out looking as more of a grimace than his usual bright grin. Brian swallows hard, guilt clawing at his stomach at the sight of it. “I get it, seriously. It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Brian presses, because Jae should never look this kind of sad, just this side of resigned. Brian would never forgive anyone for making Jae look like that, so he’s not going to forgive himself so easily either. “It’s not fine, I made you a promise and I broke it. I’m sorry, hyung.”

“Okay,” Jae sighs, pushes his glasses higher up his nose and quirks up a smile shaded with tiredness. “Let’s just talk about something else, yeah? Jimin is picking me up in an hour to take me to class so let's just - let’s just talk. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Brian says, settling back on his bed and rearranging his laptop so Jae can actually see his face. “I uh, I saw the cover you posted yesterday. It was really good.” Brian pauses, lets himself relax and fall back into the easy banter that’s so familiar to him by this point. “But I have to say, hyung, I didn’t know you were a Britney fan,” he teases.

“Don’t kinkshame, you hypocrite,” Jae grouches, but he’s grinning, content, and Brian can’t help but grin back. “My subscribers were asking for a remake of an old [cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEn9qOC-ON4), that’s all. Also, I know you have Hilary Duff on your phone, so there.”

Brian laughs, doesn’t deny it, and spends the rest of the night talking with Jae about everything and nothing at all. Jae rants about his classes, complains about his thesis, and then recounts in glorious detail how Jimin kneed a guy right in the crotch when the asshole got too handsy at a frat party last friday.

It’s so easy, talking to Jae like this. For once, there are no managers hovering around and snapping directions at him, there’s no interviewer looking to dig up whatever dirt he can find in Brian’s life, there’s no pressure, no need to put up a facade. And, if only for a moment, Brian can almost pretend that there’s no screen dividing them both, that there are no miles of ocean and land keeping them part.

“So then I told him kindly, _very kindly_ mind you, that he could go fuck himself with a cactus for all I cared cause I didn’t copy jackshit from his project - which was like, the most pretentious song you could ever hear. God, babe it was so fake deep I swear- Hey, are you even listening to me right now?”

Brian startles, blinking rapidly at the screen where Jae is looking straight at him, frowning. 

“I am. I am, sorry,” Brian mumbles, rubbing a hand over his face and fighting off a yawn. “Keep going.”

“We can always talk later if you’re too tired, you know,” Jae offers, no doubt catching the exhausted slump of Brian’s shoulder even through their gritty connection. “I don’t wanna keep you up. I know you have a long day tomorrow.”

“No! No, don’t go,” Brian pleads, breath catching high on his throat when he sees Jae reaching out to close his laptop. Some of his desperation must bleed into his voice because Jae’s face softens, frown disappearing as he nods once, and starts talking again. He can tell it’s what Brian needs right now. 

“Where was I? Oh, yeah, the song. God, it was like a bad mix of My Chemical Romance and some kinda jazz shit I don't even know. Honestly, like I would ever steal something like that...”

Jae goes on, barely even stopping to catch a breath. And, if he minds that all he gets in response are only Brian’s quiet hums, which get slower and slower with every minute that goes by, he doesn’t show it, just keeps on filling the silence, shortening the distance. 

That night, the first one in a long time, Brian falls asleep to the comforting rise and fall of Jae’s voice, smooth english vowels that lull him to sleep and leave him feeling just that slightest bit empty when the time comes for Jae to go and the connection cuts off, screen turning black.

*

That skype call is the last time Brian manages to see Jae in a long time. 

The tour gets prolonged, two whole weeks longer of shows and interviews packed tight into their already busy schedules. Usually, Brian would have been elated. Knowing that their band is doing so good is only cause for celebration. Now though, all Brain can think about is that it means he’s got to wait a whole other 14 days to see Jae again. 

Of course, Jae understands. He tells him that they’ll see each other soon, wishes him good luck, and then promptly hangs up before Brian can so much as get another word in, already running late to one of his classes.

After that, everything blurs together. Cities, countries, even _continents_ , they all become the same; interchangeable faceless crowds hazed over by a cloud of adrenaline and the dull cut of longing. Brian works on autopilot, much like the rest of the band, smiling for the cameras and trying not to show how exhausted they all are. 

It’s not like they don’t appreciate it, because they _do_. Their fans mean everything to them, they’re the reason they got this far in the first place, and putting a good show for them is always a priority. But sometimes all Brian wishes for is home, wishes for the soft curve of Jae’s smile (and _god_ , is that really what home means to him now? Jae’s smile?) and that yearning, day after day, scrapes his motivation thinner.

When Brian wakes up that morning, it’s to hundreds of notifications blowing up his phone.  
He blinks against the sunlight that filters through the hotel room’s curtains, squinting his eyes against the bright light as he fumbles for his phone.

Honestly, he’s not quite sure where he is right now. Osaka, maybe. Maybe not. All he can remember is that they landed somewhere in Japan around midnight last night. Brian had been too tired from the long flight to pay much attention to where exactly in Japan that had been though, just trailed after Sungjin as their managers led them to their hotel.

He groans when he sees his lockscreen, stock full of Twitter alerts. Brian has half a mind to throw a pillow in Wonpil’s direction and wake him up to ask him what in god’s name one of them posted this time to gain such a response. Every time their band starts trending it's either because of a comeback or because Junhyuk thought it would be a good idea to sneak in a candid of either one of them.

This though, this big of a blowup, it looks far more like that time Wonpil (not so accidentally) let it slip that Dowoon slept without his underwear on.

Sighing, already hearing Sungjin’s screaming ringing in his ears, Brian swipes his thumb across the screen and hits search.

Brian chokes on air.

He scrambles to sit up in bed, rubbing his eyes in attempt to wake the fuck up because this makes _no sense_. Apart form the band, no one knows that he and Jae are in a relationship, Brian has made certain of that. This has to be a mistake.

But Brian finds that it's _not_ , because it isn’t the band that’s trending, there are are no bare-faced pictures of any of them, no new embarrassing details floating around. There’s just his name, plastered all over the internet. His, and _Jae’s_.

And sure, they have posted a pic or two together, when Brian was home long enough to meet up. After the concert, they made it know that they were friends, acquaintances. Jae still went on rants about 5LIVE after all, and Brian always made sure to link his fans to every cover Jae posted. It had been getting harder and harder to deny that they knew each other, the fans catching on that _something_ was going on. So they took pictures. Sometimes just them both, sometimes Jae with the whole band, enough of them to show that they were all friendly with each other. But that had been it. To the public they’re _friends_ , nothing more. 

In every photo, every video, they always make sure to stand just that bit apart, tone down the affection in their smiles to pass by unnoticed. It’s hard of course, keeping the facade up when Brian always itches to touch the other, but it’s working. 

Or at least, it _was_.

Now, Brian stares with growing panic as the tweets continue to flood his feed, mention after mention after mention, trying to pick apart the facts to get to the truth.

It’s only then that Brian starts to notice the trend. _Jaehyungparkian_. The word keeps showing up in every tweet, bright blue and completely damming. Brian cringes when he reads it, because he knows, he _knows_ , that only one person could have come up with something as idiotic as that.

Brian flinches at the confirmation, jabbing at his phone frantically as he makes the call.

“Babe?” Jae’s voice comes out through the phone after a couple of rings, slurred and heavy with sleep. Brian would feel bad for having woken him up if he weren't so busy trying to keep himself spiralling down into a full on panic attack. “Is something up?”

“Hyung, what-” Brian pauses, tries to calm down and doesn't even make it halfway. “What did you _do?_ ”

Jae yawns, loud and long and completely at ease. Brian hears the other shuffling around in bed, the rustle of the sheets and the telltale clicking of the light being turned on. “Nothing? I mean, I grabbed a coffee with Jackson before class, but- wait, isn't it like 4 o'clock in Saitama right now? Why are you even awake? Is my college life really that interesting to you? I'm flattered.” 

“Jae,” Brian grunts, breathing getting more ragged as his phone continues to light up with every new notification that flashes bitterly up at him. “I’m asking you what the hell did you do to have us trending in twitter. At the same fucking time.”

Jae falters, maybe because of the unusual curse, maybe because Brian is half angry, half afraid and all but yelling at him, getting all the more frustrated when all Jae does is stay silent. 

“Uh,” Jae says finally, tentative like he always sounds when he’s dealing with an unknown. And he is, really. Brian has never been this angry, not at him at least, and he can tell that Jae feels completely caught off guard at the biting tone of his voice. “You mean the Jaehyungparkian thing?”

“Yes, I mean the Jaehyungian thing,” Brian snaps back.

“It’s Jaehyung _parkian_ actually. Gotta make sure my whole name is in there, you know, cause-”

“I don’t care.” Brian spits out, hears Jae’s jaw click shut at the tone, frozen at the raw frustration bleeding through the phone line. “What I want to know is why you thought it would be a good idea to tell the world we’re fucking.”

“Okay, first of all we’re not fucking, we’re dating,” Jae answers and Brian bristles because he can still hear the amused tone in Jae’s voice, the telltale lilt to it that shows he thinks this whole fuckup of his is a goddamn joke. “You haven’t let me get to third base yet, you prude. All we do is hold hands like preschoolers, so-”

“Jae, please,” Brian breathes, willing the other to understand the seriousness of the situation. If word got out that Brian is in an actual relationship with him, with another _man_ , it could quite possibly destroy his career. Everything he's worked for, everything he's ever wanted, gone. And not just his too, but the whole band’s. Brian doesn't think he could live knowing that he ruined his friends’ dreams. “Please,” he says again, not even pretending that he’s not begging now, “just tell me what happened.”

Jae sighs, finally stops talking enough to hear the desperation in Brian’s voice. “Don’t worry so much, okay? It was a dumb joke, that’s all. I didn't tell anyone anything,” he explains. Brian slumps down, a breath of relief catching on his throat as the knot in his lungs loosens with every word Jae says. 

“I did a live Q&A video the other day and someone asked what our shipname should be so I blurted out the first thing I could think of.” Jae hesitates then, like he’s waiting for Brian to blow up at him again. Brian winces at the thought. Now that he can think straight again he realises what an asshole he was being. The first time in four days that he calls Jae and all he does is yell at him. What a good fucking boyfriend he is.

“It was just a joke,” Jae goes on when Brian stays quiet. “I didn’t know it would catch on so fast. I’m sorry, I thought it would have been worse to just ignore it and you know how I get when I ramble and I-”

“Hey, no, hyung it’s fine,” Brian says before Jae can descend into full on babbling mode. He can hear the guilt in Jae’s voice leaking through the crackling of the phone and that’s enough to increase his own tenfold; knowing he had made Jae doubt himself is one of the worst feelings Brian can get. “I’m sorry for freaking you out like this I- I just saw the tweets and thought worst case scenario.”

“Worst case scenario being them finding out about us, right?” Jae asks and Brian winces, hears the undercurrent of bitterness cutting Jae’s voice thin, the edge of resignment hidden there. 

“Jae, you know what would happen if they knew,” he hurries to explain, doesn't know who he’s trying to convince more. Jae, or himself. “The band could go down for something like that.”

“I know, I know,” Jae says, though it’s barely loud enough for Brian to hear it. “I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful from now on.”

“Yeah, please just-” Brian stutters, forces himself to say something. “Just be careful.”

“I will,” Jae answers, exhales once. “We’re, uh- we’re okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Brian chokes, feeling heavy, leaden at the thought of Jae having to ask for confirmation “We’re okay.”

“I’ll let you get back to sleep then,” Jae says and Brian swallows. He doesn’t want Jae to go, not when they’re both still reeling from their conversation, their first fight, but Jae is saying goodbye before he can do anything about it and then there's just silence, the rattle of static crackling through the phone and leaving Brian completely alone.

“You know, Younghyun,” comes a voice, soft and careful. Brian startles, turns around to look at the other side of the hotel room where Sungjin is sitting cross legged on his bed, looking at him like he’s trying to calm down a wounded animal. “We wouldn’t mind.”

Brian blinks at Sungjin, more than a little confused. “Hyung,” he begins, “what-”

“You remember the day we debuted, right?” Sungjin cuts him off as he stands up and comes to sit beside Brian, close enough to offer comfort but not forcing it on him. “When we promised to stick together?”

“I do, but-”

“Stop talking and listen to your leader for once, will you?” Sungjin smiles, bumps his shoulder against Brian’s. “Out of all of us, I’ve always thought you would be the best at dealing with feelings, you know,” he says. “The way you write songs, your way with words - I thought it would come naturally to you. Now I’ve realized you suck at it.”

“Hey,” Brian grouches, but he quiets down, lets Sungjin continue when the other squeezes his ankle in warning.

“You’re smart, Younghyun, but you’re also so incredibly dumb,” Sungjin says. He pats him on the back, lets his hand rest there, a reminder that he’s _there_ , whether Brian may want it or not. “But don’t worry, that’s why I’m here for. That’s why we’re _all_ here for. You just gotta remember that, okay?”

“Okay,” Brian mumbles, lets himself sag against Sungjin, knowing the other doesn’t mind catching his weight.

“Whatever you decide, we’re here.”

“Thanks,” Brian says, mirrors Sungjin’s smiles with his own, more dimmer one. 

And maybe he could, Brian thinks, tell them all, let the world know. As soon as he considers it though, he dismisses the thought. Because sure, some fans were elated about this, happy for him and for Jae, but Brian hadn’t missed the ones who weren’t, the ones who had the power to sink them all.

Those messages are still there, and they’re all dangerous, so very dangerous. So Brian smiles at Sungjin, thanks him again, and then clutches at his phone until his knuckles turn white, fighting the urge to call Jae and let himself forget about everything in his voice.

*

The whole _Jaehyungparkian_ thing dies down after a while. The mentions decrease, and the hashtag disappears, swallowed up by the next scandal, which just so happens to have Wonpil’s paws printed all over it. Not that Brian mentions it, mind you. He’s embarrassed enough as it is.

And sure, some fans still rant about it, but considering that neither Jae nor Brian mention it again and the fact that they haven’t been in the same country for about a month, it all helps bury the thought of them being together. Jae starts being more careful too, stops mentioning him in his videos, and when he does, is always with the rest of the band, to avoid suspicion. 

And so Brian goes back to the tour, back to the routine that keeps him from being with Jae. The few moments they get together are always stolen, little pockets of time Brian does his best to find in between concerts and photoshoots. But they all feel burdened down now, shaded by that night’s conversation, the one neither of them dare to bring up, too afraid of fighting again to mention it.

Still, the matter drops, the world goes on and Brian, foolishly, let's himself be lulled into a false sense of security.

They’re at a fanmeet when it happens. Their table is brimming with gifts from the fans, their fingers smudged dark with the ink of their pens as the last stragglers make their way down the stage. Brian’s is sure his face is more glittery stickers than skin by this point, something Wonpil apparently takes great pleasure in, if the way he keeps snapping photos of his disgruntled face is anything to go by. A staff members passes a microphone around for the fans to start the Q&A round and then they’re off, answering what they can as the others goof around, enjoying the time they get to spend with their fans.

But then Junhyuk digs an elbow into his ribs, making Brian wince and turn to look at him in question. The older boy nods his head towards the front of the convention center, where a girl is standing tall and staring at him, a look not unlike determination on her face.

“I have a question for Young K oppa,” she begins. Brian smiles at her, tries not to let if fall when all she does is turn her nose up and narrow her eyes at him. He nods, motions for her to go on even when he feels the first tendrils of apprehension taking a hold of him. He’s wary because Brian sees it in her eyes, that stubborn glint that always heralds trouble. Brian knows people like her, knows that they don’t stop; they keep digging and digging until they get their answers, whatever the cost may be.

And then, the catalyst, “Is it true that you’re dating Park Jaehyung?”

Brian freezes. He stops moving, stops breathing. His grip on the plastic flower he had been fiddling around with pulls taut, turning his knuckles white until the stem snaps apart with a crack that seems to echo too loudly in the sudden silence of the room.

“Of course not,” he says, tries to laugh only to choke on the sound. “We’re just friends.”

“But he’s close to you, isn’t he, oppa?” she goes on, voice ringing loud and clear even when the rest of the public starts talking again, murmuring and whispering until the buzz of it grows into a crescendo that threatens to swallow Brian whole. “It’s always you he’s with. The one he likes the most. And you obviously like him more than the rest of the members do.”

“That’s silly,” Wonpil cuts in from the side. He’s smiling at the girl, flower crown still locked firmly up on his hair, but there’s an edge to that smile, a sliver of steel hidden there that only ever comes out when Wonpil feels one of them is being threatened. “We all like Jaehyung hyung. He sings our songs so well!”

“Yes, but it’s not the same,” the girl presses, staring right at Brian and not faltering once when she says, “no one looks at him the same way Young K oppa does, like he just can’t look away, like he doesn’t even want to.”

Something in him snaps at that, rebels at the thought of it. Because it's true - it’s true but it's also something intimate and personal and it all belongs to Jae. Brian only looks at him like that because he knows that Jae looks right back. And he wants to tell them that, wants it to be known because Brian still can’t quite believe it himself but-

But the fans are growing restless the longer Brian stays quite, the murmurs getting louder as some begin to shout over each other in an effort to get Brian to answer, but Brian can’t- he can’t answer because he can’t even breath, not with they way they're all staring at him, trying to dig and dig and dig until they’ve left nothing behind. And Brian can’t help but think back to all those hours spent practicing guitar, slaving over bass lessons and struggling with singing. He thinks about the endless nights and the lonely days when all he did was chase down a dream thought impossible by many, thinks about how it all could be taken away from him if he let Jae’s name slip out of his mouth like it so wants to.

“We’re just friends,” he says, pushes away the thought of Jae’s smile and the weight of his body against his chest as he lies through his teeth and hopes that this doesn’t cost him the feel of Jae’s lips against his own. “We are not that close, he’s just a friend who needed help with getting recognition. That’s all. It doesn’t mean anything.”

From the side, Sungjin coughs, nods his head to a manager who hurries away to take the microphone away from the girl, who in turn just sits down, a pleased smile playing on her face. Dowoon chooses that moment to try and sing, Wonil quickly joining in as Junhyuk starts teasing them both. The fans turn their attention to them, coo at Dowoon’s red ears and Wonpil forced aegyo.

But Sungjin turns to look at him, and there’s something in his eyes, disappointment maybe, pity too. Brian doesn’t know.

But he doesn’t care either, because the coldness taking a hold of him makes him feels much, much more worse than Sungjin’s look ever could.

*

〔jaebae〕  
so im just trying to get recognition huh

The staff is bundling all around him, doing last minutes preparations and changes to his outfit as they try to get him to move this way and that, but Brian is rooted to the spot, staring at his phone and trying not to show how much he wants to break down in relief at the sight of it.

He knows he shouldn't be this happy about it, because the text is cutting and short and it only serves to remind Brian of how much he fucked up. And Brian knows that Jae is angry and hurting, he knows that he shouldn’t be happy, but the text is still _something_ , and something is far better than the complete silence he had gotten from Jae ever since that goddamn fanmeet.

〔bkang〕  
hyung god  
no  
you know that’s not true

〔jaebae〕  
do i  
we havent spoken in a week brian

〔bkang〕  
I tried to call  
you werent answering 

〔jaebae〕  
no you didnt  
you send a text telling me you were going to call  
and then you forgot about it

〔bkang〕  
I didnt forget I swear  
it’s just the schedules  
they change so much that I don't know when I’ll get the chance 

〔jaebae〕  
look you know i get that  
youre busy and this is important and i know that  
and i dont want to be the clingy bf i really dont  
but we need to talk brian

Brian breathes out, tries not to give into the fear threatening to break out across his spine. He’s shaking, hands trembling where they hold his phone as he tries to blink back the white spots dancing on his vision. Jae is serious about this, and Brian knows him enough to tell that he’s mulling something over. Which is probably why he’s been radio silent ever since the fanmeet, he realises. God, Brian thinks numbly, Jae was being so distant so he could make a decision.

〔bkang〕  
I know  
I’m sorry I really am  
as soon as the concert is done I’ll call ok?  
promise

〔jaebae〕  
ok  
just

Jae types something, deletes it, and types it in again. Brian doesn’t like it, hates knowing that Jae is hesitant around him. They have always been open around each other, ever since the first time they met. Jae thinking he has to watch what he says to him only shows how much of a fuckup Brian is. 

〔jaebae〕  
just please dont break this one brian  
please  
im so tired of waiting for you

Brian’s breath hitches on his throat, finger trembling as he tries to think of an answer to that. It’s a confession, he thinks, because this is Jae baring his neck and leaving it wide open for him to see, it’s him telling Brian to decide, because it’s Brian who has to act now. And he wants to, _god_ he wants to run away from here and straight into Jae’s arm, reassure himself that he still has the right to do that, but then the organisator is calling out to him, _five minutes till the show starts!_ and so Brian leaves his phone behind as he takes his bass and makes his way into the stage. 

The fans are waiting for him after all, the rest of the band too. But even as the show starts and the stadium darkens with their entrance, Brian still finds himself thinking about the one who’s been waiting for him the most. The only one Brian wishes he wouldn't do that to. 

Right now though, he can’t do anything about that, so he just plays song after song and grins when the fans sing along with him because they make him forget for a second, they manage to take him away from his thoughts and simply focus in the music, they joy that it brings him when he strums his fingers across the bass’ strings and lets his voice rise and fall over the crowd.

But it’s that same feeling that makes him mess up again. Because Brian always gets too lost in the music, sinks into it so deeply that it becomes hard to come up for air. So when he finally reaches his hotel room it’s way later than it should be and his phone is forgotten on his nightstand, three missed calls from Jae and a bunch of texts that get more and more defeated as they come.

Brian scrambles for it, unlocks it and starts a video call as quickly as he can. He waits for Jae to pick, doesn’t know if he wants him to or not.

“You’re late,” is all Jae says when the call pulls through. He’s in bed, turned on his side so Brian can see the back wall of his dorm room, plastered all over with band posters and scraped paint, a sight so familiar that it almost aches. 

“I know,” Brian breathes, doesn’t have to energy to give an excuse because there really isn’t one to give. He broke a promise again and he’s not going to deny it, all he can do is hope that it didn’t ruin whatever chances he had of making things better. 

Jae hums, looks at him through the shaky connection of their phone that feels as feeble as their relationship right now, right on the edge of crackling and threatening to break apart. “I’ve been thinking,” he says, pushes his hand under his head so that he can cushion it.

“That’s a first,” Brian answers. He tries to grin, because he _knows_ , deep down he knows that this is probably the last chance he’ll have of making Jae laugh and he wants to see the curve of his smile one last time, trace it with his eyes so he can burn it in his memory. But Jae doesn’t smile, he just sighs and starts speaking. 

“This is not working anymore” he begins, heavy and slow. Careful too, because he talks like he knows he’s holding a knife to Brian’s chest and doing his best not to let it reach his heart. “I’ve been trying to tell myself otherwise for a long time now, but I- I can’t keep lying to myself,” Jae says and the words sound like they’ve been ripped out from him, like he had to pry them out of his mouth so that they wouldn’t get stuck in his throat.

“I know,” Brian repeats, hide his face in the crook of his arms so that Jae won’t see the red of his eyes and slides down the bed so he can lay on his side too, pretend that they’re both in the same bed and not in entirely different countries.

“I don’t want to keep you from doing what you love, Brian,” Jae breathes. “Because I understand what loving music feels like and I - I can’t bring myself to take that away from you, even if I want to sometimes,” he admits, lips curled sadly into a half-smile that Brian has never seen from him before. This is Jae admitting defeat, Brian realizes, admitting that they can’t keep on pretending anymore. “But I can’t keep being the second choice either.”

“You’re not,” Brian tries to say, because he isn’t. Because, “there’s no first or second choice here, there’s no _right_ choice. I can’t decide and I-”

“I know,” Jae cuts him off, waits until Brian has calmed down enough before he goes on, “I know that there’s no right choice and it’s not fair to make you choose in the first place, so I’m taking the decision away from you.”

“Please,” Brian whispers into the phone, hates himself for not being able to look Jae in the eyes as the older boy starts to say goodbye. “Please, don’t. Jae, I lo-”

“I know,” Jae says again and he’s crying now, softly but _there_ and Brian wants to reach out and wipe the tears away with his thumb, kiss them away with his lips and hold him close until the rest of the world fades away and it’s just them and their fingers and their touch, but he can’t, he _can’t_ because there are miles of land and sea between them and an even bigger gap that can’t be measured by miles or meters driving them apart. 

“Don’t go,” Brian pleads, but Jae just shakes his head, chokes on a laugh that comes stuttering out of his mouth as he says, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here and you’ll stay there and it’ll be fine - we’ll be fine, I promise, just not- just not together.”

“Please,” Brian breathes again, knows he probably sounds like a lost child when he does but he doesn’t care, all he wants is _Jae_. Jae and his laugh and his dumb jokes, his stupid hair and his broken glasses and the feel of his lips against his neck. 

“Goodnight, Brian,” is all Jae says and that’s all it takes for Brian to let the tears fall because he knows - he knows that when Jae says goodnight he means goodbye.

“Please,” Brian asks again, but this time there’s no response because Jae is not there anymore. He’s gone and Brian is left alone, watching his phone as it flashes bitterly up at him.

 _Call ended_ it blinks one last time, before it fades to show a picture of him and Jae, taken one strange day back in wintertime when Brian found a way to sneak out of the company and they spend the day drifting through the streets and seeking warmth in each other.

But the light of his phone dims and it fades, leaving Brian to watch as it takes the picture with it when it finally disappears and the screen turns to black.

*

“-something about it?”

“Like what? He’s been locked inside that room for three days now and he’s not letting me in either. It’s my room too, you know. I don’t wanna have to sleep with Dowoon anymore, he snores too much.”

“Hyung!”

“I’m just saying, we have a plane to catch, we need to get him out.”

“I’ll take care of it, just go.”

Through the haze of sleep, Brian hears the door crack open, sees Sungjin take a tentative step inside and wince when he steps on one of the many bundles of crumpled paper scattered around the hotel room. 

“Younghyun?” he asks as he approaches the bed where Brian is doing his best to become one with his pillow and disappear into the sheets. “I know you’re awake. C’mon, talk to me.”

Brian grunts, digs himself further into the bed only for Sungjin to grab a hold of the scruff of his shirt and heave him up. Cursing, Brian scrambles, glares at Sungin from under his sleep-ruffled bangs as he says, “I’m not a dog, you know.”

“I couldn’t tell,” Sungjin answers back, sniffling. “You’re certainly acting like one. God, Younghyun where was the last time you took a shower?”

“Don’t know,” he grunts back. He’s not sure what time it is, what day even. Everything after his last call with Jae has blurred together in his mind. It’s become a dull haze of longing and feverish writing, sharpened here and there in the moments where Brian took out his guitar and tried to make music that didn’t sound as defeated as he felt himself. “Just leave me alone.”

“Like hell I’m leaving you when you’re like this,” Sungjin counters, sitting down next to him and handing him a bottle of water from the nightstand that Brian chugs down whole. “What happened?”

“What do you think?” he snaps back, doesn’t bother elaborating because he knows Sungjin will understand, just like he always does. 

“I’m sorry,” Sungjin sighs, lets Brian hide in the crook of his neck. “I knew you cared for him.”

“I didn’t just _care_ for him,” Brian grunts, shuts his eyes tight against the sharp ache in between his ribs. “I loved - I _love_ him,” he corrects, feels Sungjin tense when the weight of his words hits him, “but I fucked it all up and now it’s over.”

“Yougnhyun-”

“Bullshit.”

Both Brian and Sungjin startle at that. Wonpil is standing at the door, hands on his hips as he frowns at them both. Junhyuk shifts behind him, looking about as exasperated as he can be and Brian doesn’t doubt it for a second that Wonpil did something dirty to escape him and sneak into the room. Dowoon stands by the side too, looking a bit lost but still so incredibly concerned as he stares at Brian’s hunched form.

“Wonpil,” Brian starts, “this is not the time-”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Wonpil bites back as he comes to stand by the side of the bed and cuffs Brian on the head, hard. “Quit looking like it’s the end of the world.”

“Wonpil,” Junhyuk warns but Brian gets to him before he can finish.

“And what if I told you it was, huh?” Brian shouts, whirls around to look at them all as he fists his hands tight in the sheets and lets the words he’s been keeping bottled up spill out in a rush. He’s breaking apart and he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to care, not when he can’t find a reason to try and keep himself together in the first place. “What if I told that I want to be with him instead of keep being a part the band? What if I told you that I don’t care what happens to my career if it means getting to be with him again? What would you do then?”

“I would tell you,” Wonpil begins, still staring hard. “That it’s not _me_ you have to say those things to, you complete and utter dumbass.” 

Brian falters, slumps down when Wonpil just raises an eyebrow up at him, completely unimpressed.

“Honestly, Younghyun,” Junhyuk sighs from where he’s standing by the window. “You should know us better by now. Did you really think we would mind if you came out? We just want you to be happy.”

“Yeah,” Dowoon adds from his other side. “I don’t like seeing hyung sad,” he says, smiles at Brian tentatively when all he does is gape. “I also really liked Jaehyung hyung. He was really funny, he made you happy when I couldn’t.”

Brian stutters, because sure, he knew his friends were okay with him dating Jae, but this, them being here and letting him have a choice, it goes beyond that. They’re bargaining with their dreams, their hard work, and Brian can do nothing but stare at them, infinitely grateful. “I- I didn’t think-” 

“That’s right, you _didn’t_.” Wonpil rolls his eyes and reaches down to pick a balled-up paper from the floor, flattens it down and squints at it. “Seeing you walk away, I should’ve caught you then, honestly hyung. You can’t just write things like this and then do nothing,” he says. Brian flushes, squirms under his member’s combined stares and tries not to fidget as Wonpil keeps on reading the lyrics he wrote after Jae broke up with him.

“Look, if you want to - how was it?” Wonpil roams his eyes over the paper, searches for something and then, “right, if you want to _hold him so he won’t be apart from you_ and _tell him everything you wanted to say_ then just _do it_.

“It’s not that easy,” Brian mumbles, because he wants to, _god_ he wants to so bad, but there’s still the fact that it was Jae who broke up with him, even if it was Brian who pushed him towards that decision. “He probably doesn’t want to see me and even if he did, well, I can’t promise him that it’ll be easy.”

“Of course it won't be easy,” Junhyuk agrees, slips into his side and winds an arm around his shoulders so that Brian ends up sandwiched in between him and Sungjin. “But that doesn’t mean you have to give up trying.”

“It’s like - it’s like practicing a new song,” Dowoon blurts out suddenly, blushes bright red when they all turn to stare at him. He’s not one to talk much after all, usually blunders over his thoughts and trips on his own tongue, but Brian can tell he’s making an effort, so he listens. 

“When we practice for a comeback, it’s always sounds horrible at first,” he goes on, fidgeting on his spot but forcing himself to keep going. “We don’t know what to do, and it’s hard and I always get frustrated but hyung,” Dowoon looks at Brian then, gaze determined, willing Brian to understand- by sheer force if he has to. “Hyung, you always tell me to keep going and I _do_ , I always do, and in the end it works out. So I think- I think maybe this is like that too, you have to practice first for it to sound good.”

“Dowoonie,” Brian breathes, completely caught off guard, but Dowoon just shrugs and turns away to hide the red tip of his ears.

“Right,” Sungjin says as he claps a hand over Dowoon’s shoulders, who’s now trying to hit Wonpil in the crotch because the other won’t stop cooing at him. “I got lost for a little bit there, but I think Dowoon had the right idea.” 

“It’s going to be hard,” Sungjin says, but he’s smiling, like he wouldn’t have it any other way. “We’re going to get a lot of hate for this and the company is probably going to kick us out but-” he holds up a hand when Brian opens his mouth to say something, stop them, because this is insane, this is _suicide_ , “-but we’re doing this, Younghyun,” he finishes, grins even bigger when he sees him gaping at him.

“Don’t look at me.” Junhyuk shrugs when Brian turns to him. He’s always been the sensible one, the one who thought before acting, but now he’s just standing here, hand heavy and warm on Brian’s shoulder. “I’m on board. Much as I love your lyrics, I can only sing so many breakup songs.”

“Then let’s go. Quick,” Wonpil ushers. He takes Brian’s hand, pushes him into the bathroom and throws a bundle of clothes at his face. “ _C’mon_ , we’ve got a plane to catch and a relationship to save.”

“ _We_ is far too many people, I think,” Junhyuk mutters but he too starts helping pack Brian’s bags up, clattering around the room to make sure they’re not forgetting anything.

Brian just stands there, numb and not daring to hope just quite yet. But maybe he can, maybe he can get Jae back. With his friends’ help, dangerous as it may be, Brian can believe that it’s not as impossible as it seems.

*

The plane ride that follows is one of the strangest ones Brian has ever had to experience.

Half of it is spend trying to ignore Wonpil’s advice on how to ask for forgiveness. Most of his plans (yes plans, as in plural. He has 7 of them so far and the list only grows larger with every mile they fly by) they all involve far too many roses and safety-endangering ways in which Brian can serenate Jae and _wine and dine him like you should, hyung, listen to me it’ll work like a charm._ Dowoon chips in from time to time too, and Brian finds out that he’s actually quite a romantic, shy as he is when he tells him he should just gift him a piece of his lyrics in the shape of a poem. 

Sungjin and Junhyuk are huddled a row in front of them, foreheads pressed together as they discuss public image and PR repercussions and all the other things Brian knows will become fundamental the moment the plane touches down. 

Still, all Brian can think about is that he’s finally heading home. And really, in all the years he’s lived the picture the word ‘home’ paints inside his mind has changed and shifted, become muddled as he left Canada for Korea, but now - now it’s startlingly clear.

Because home is the little space between Jae’s back and the wall of his room, home is fighting over what kind of take out they want to order that night; home is endless hours spent strumming their guitars as they lean against the back of the couch and twine their voices like they twine their legs.

Home, Brian thinks as he stands in front of Jae’s dorm and gathers whatever courage he has left, home is waiting behind this door.

Brian knocks his knuckles against it, tries to get his palms to stop sweating as he hears someone make their way to it and _fuck_ , but he’s finally going to see Jae again after a whole month of being apart and he feels the world tilting underneath his feet as the door cracks open and _oh god_ -

“What the hell are you doing here?” 

Brian blinks, stares at the empty space in front of the door for a few seconds before the tone of voice clicks inside his head and he looks down to find Jimin frowning hard up at him, hands on her hips as she taps her foot impatiently against the floor.

Brian fumbles for answers. Fuck, this is going to be even harder than he had thought. Jimin is nothing if not protective, especially over Jae, and Brian has no doubts that the older boy must have told her everything. Tiny as she is, Brian really doesn’t want to get on her bad side, though he’s sure he already is. Still, if Jae is inside, Brian is going to have to convince her to let him in.

“Look, I know he probably doesn’t want to see me right now,” Brian rushes out, trying to say everything he has to before she shuts the door on his face and leaves him standing like a fool on the hallway. “But I need to talk to him, so please just let me-”

“I meant what the hell you’re doing _here_ ,” she cuts him off. “Jae left.”

“What do you mean he _left_?” Brian parrots back, lungs seizing up at the thought of Jae going away just when he was about to reach him again. God, he’s so tired of trying to catch up to distance. “Where did he go? Is he-”

“He left to go look for ,” Jimin snaps, turns on her back and steps inside the dorm, leaving Brian to trail after her for answers. “I told him he shouldn’t have, but that dumbass is far too stubborn for his own good, far too in love with you too.”

“I-,” Brian starts, doesn’t get finish because the state of the dorm takes him completely by surprise. There’s dirty clothes lying everywhere, Jae’s coveted vinyl discs laying out of their cases and toy soldier left hanging upside down from a corner of the couch. Brian takes the guitar, carefully sets it right again, lets his hands touch its smooth surface for a little while longer than necessary. 

“Yeah, everything’s a real mess,” Jimin says. She’s perched on the kitchen counter, looking at Brian with a calculating look in her eyes that kind of makes him want to cower and hide. “After what you did to him he stopped caring about things like this,” she explains, points to a bunch dirty dishes towering beside her. Brian flinches. “Stopped playing music for a while too.”

Brian’s tightens his hands into fist at that, turns to look resolutely back at the girl. “Where is he?”

Jimin tilts his head to the side, roams her gaze over him like he’s judging his worth and finding him lacking. “I really shouldn’t tell you,” she drawls. Brian opens his mouth, ready to start pleading or begging or whatever it may take for her give an answer when Jimin holds up a hand and says, “but I’m going to, because I love that idiot to death and, for all that’s worth, I can tell that you love him too.”

“Still,” she continues, jumping lightly to her feet and making her way over to Brian. And she’s tiny, Brian easily towers over her, but in that moment, under the harsh light of her gaze, he feels infinitely small. “If you so much as hurt a single hair on his head again I’m tearing you apart limb by limb, you understand me? Idol or not.”

Brian nods, doesn’t doubt that she would. 

“Good.” She turns on her heels, gives one last wave over her shoulder as she says, “he left for the airport a few minutes ago to try and see you. Go before I change my mind. And remember, I don’t mind getting my nails bloody, Brian Kang.”

“I won’t!” Brian shouts after her but he doesn’t think Jimin manages to hear him because he’s already sprinting away, taking out his phone to call Sungji as he flags down a cab and gives the driver the directions for the airport as quickly as he can.

“Hyung,” he says into the phone as soon as the other picks up. “Jae’s-”

“Here, I know,” Sungjin grunts. There’s the sound of screaming somewhere behind him, fans desperately calling out their names, and Brian is once again overcome with so much gratefulness to his friends. As the plane landed, they had decided to stay behind at the airport, sign a few autographs and make a bit of scene, big enough for Brian to slip away unnoticed and go to Jae. 

That, well that hadn’t exactly worked out as expected. 

“Can you make sure he stays there?” Brian asks, the beginnings of an idea starting to take form inside his head. “Please, hyung.”

“Wonpil’s on it,” Sungjin says and Brian breathes out in relief, thanking Sungjin before he ends the calls and turns to tell the driver to press down on the gas and _fucking drive_. 

When he gets to the airport, that idea has begun to turn into a half-formed plan. Brian isn’t going to take Wonpil’s awful advice, but the younger had been right about something. Brian needs to make a statement, he needs to let Jae know that he’s not giving up on them, not even if that mean giving up on everything else.

Brian pushes through the crowd easily enough. The fans are all turned the other way, staring at the space the airport security staff had cleared. The rest of the band stands there, waving at the fans, patiently signing autograph and posing for pictures. No one notices him coming until Brian stumbles right into them, looking straight at a corner of the room where Jae is awkwardly trying to blend in with the wall.

“Hyung,” he calls out, sees Jae’s head snap up at the sound of his voice. There’s a sudden hush all around them before the voices starts clamoring for answers, calling for his attention and asking him where he had been.

But Brian doesn’t care about them, can’t bring himself to, not when Jae is finally in arms reach again after a whole month of being apart. And Brian knows he doesn’t have the right to, but he still reaches forward, reaches out, and takes Jae’s hands in his so he can feel the familiar weight of them against his own. 

“You’re here,” Jae mumbles, blinking rapidly at him, like he’s trying to make sure Brian is actually here, tangible and real. “You’re-”

“I’m an idiot,” Brian says. “That’s what I am. I am a goddamn idiot and I made an idiot mistake, but I - I wan to make it right again.” Brian grins at him, tries not to show how he’s scared out of his mind, because there’s no turning back now, not when they’re standing so close that they’re almost sharing the same breath, not with all the cameras flashing at them and remembering it all.

But that’s fine, that’s good. Let them see, Brian thinks, let them see and let them tell because Brian’s scared yes, but he’s also finally come back home. He has Jae with him and that’s enough, that’s all he needs.

“Brian,” Jae starts, tries to takes his hands back only for Brian to tighten his grip on them. “What are you doing?”

“I’m choosing,” he says, grins when he sees realization dawn across Jae’s face. 

“You don’t have to,” Jae says, but his eyes belie him. They’re wide in surprise, mirroring the familiarity in Brian’s own.

“I know,” Brian answers. “I know, but I want to.” And then he seals the deal, leans forward and presses his lips against Jae’s as he cups the back of his neck to bring him in closer.

And the cameras flash, the fans go crazy, but Brian doesn’t see them and he doesn’t hear them either, because Jae is melting into his touch and so is Brian, because he’s home. 

Finally, Brian is home.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god, I'm nervous as hell right now. Please tell me what you thought, please. Did you hate it? Liked it? 
> 
> As always, you can find me on [tumblr](https://jahehyung.tumblr.com/) and come talk to me or watch me struggle as I write my next fic and send me prompts<3 I'm happy with whatever, I love talking to you guys.
> 
> The lyrics were taken from I Would because I'm sappy like that.
> 
> (Also, I'm not quite done with this series just yet. I have a few other ideas I'd like to write hehe. Would you guys like that?)


End file.
